Smacking children

Have I gone mad? Or has the world gone mad? I am genuinely shocked at the number of parents who freely admit, on TV, radio and online that they smack their children and that they believe this to be a good thing.

Take for example, the couple who went to the media a few weeks ago because their local council would not accept them as foster parents because they use smacking as a form of discipline on their own child, although they did say they would not smack a foster child. (http://www.gm.tv/index.cfm?articleid=29094). I had the misfortune to be watching GMTV when they were interviewed and really could not believe my ears and eyes as they accused the council's representative of using "emotive language" when he referred to smacking as "hitting."

Apparently they are not alone in their inability to understand what smacking is judging by some of the comments that have been popping up on internet forums on the subject. Most of the parents who state they smack their children later in their ill formed posting, probably written while their badly behaved offspring are pilfering the drinks cabinet, state that they only use a "light tap" or "just a light brush" or "a light swat." So are these people smacking or not? I don't know. On the one hand they seem keen to stand up for their right to smack their unruly, rude and disobedient children but, then, not wishing to seem like monsters, seek to reassure us that they only use minimal force. Is that smacking? It must be, otherwise why would these people be telling us they smack their children, if what they do isn't smacking?

I read a post by someone on a parenting forum today that was very sad. This woman's husband had left her after having an affair and her two children had chosen to go with him, rather than stay with her, the reason being that she smacked them whereas he did not. She still thinks smacking is a good idea though, even though she has basically lost her children over it. She mentioned that their behaviour has worsened since living with their father and she puts this down to the lack of physical discipline. It doesn't occur to her it could be due to the lack of any discipline or maybe because of the upheaval of their parents' separation, or the strain of moving to a new area or getting used to their father's new partner, or any one of a number of other things. No, it must be because they are not getting a good smack.

Of course the pro smacking lobby does have one very good point in their favour: in the UK, it is still legal to smack your child. I am at a loss to know why. Violence is violence. I don't accept the argument that children cannot be reasoned with. My 3 1/2 year old son understands very well if you tell him something is wrong and why. He understands very well if you tell him if he does xyz, you will take away his favourite toy or that he won't get any ice cream after dinner. The point is you have to follow through and you have to keep repeating these methods so that your child understands his or her actions will have consequences. What children don't understand is why their perhaps otherwise loving parent strikes them, whilst at the same time teaching them they must not hit others.

It has taken many years to start changing attitudes towards domestic violence between adults. It is time we did the same for children.

Fishwifely ramblings

Reading a forum post yesterday by a woman ranting and raving about how she could not help but scream insults at unwanted phone callers, because to do otherwise would be to be walked all over, "fishwife!" leapt to the forefront of my brain. Then I gave myself a virtual slap for being so un-feminist, not to mention classist. Why, some twenty years after I first read about the dear Mrs Bourhill, pregnant fishwife, in a House of Lords judgment is this hideous label still embedded into my psyche?

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, the term may refer to a woman who sells fish or a "vulgar, abusive woman", and dates back to the 15th century, when "wife" meant a tradeswoman, married or not. If you google "what is a fishwife?" you get some interesting results, including some Sun article about Kerry Katona. I don't know much about KK, apart from the fact that someone writes pulpy books under her name, but when I think fishwife, Jade Goody is more likely to spring to mind, notwithstanding that I have never actually watched Big Brother.

There I go again, being un-feminist, calling people fishwives, and you know I am not thinking they actually sell fish for a living. At least I don't say it out loud and at least I question myself afterwards, that's got to be worth something, right?

Back to the House of Lords, some old coot Lord Mancroft (in the debating chamber, not the court, thank non-god) might as well have said British nurses, nay British women, are all fishwives when describing his recent stay in an NHS hospital. According to him, all nurses in the UK are clones of that mad Irish nurse on the Catherine Tate show, and not only that he reckons most young British women are probably like this. I'm hoping for his sake he has no female relatives. The Guardian quotes him thus:

"The nurses who looked after me were mostly grubby - we are talking about dirty fingernails and hair - and were slipshod and lazy. Worst of all, they were drunken and promiscuous," he said, adding that the nurses were "an accurate reflection of many young women in Britain today".

Maybe he's seen one too many Amy Winehouse videos, but when I google around for information on him, Wikipedia tells me the dear Lord is a former heroin addict! Plus, he is married and has a daughter, who presumably is a young British woman! I'm thinking in this case, it's Lord Mancroft who is the fishwife.

Sound of Young Scotland? I wish!

I watched the Caledonia Dreamin' documentary on BBC4 the other night. It was supposed to be about the growth of Scottish rock and pop music since the heady days of Postcard Records. Yes, Postcard records. If I were making a documentary along these lines, I'd include a big chunk on Orange Juice, Postcard's most prolific group. Sure enough, there were some lovely old clips of Orange Juice in it. Then of course I'd have to include Aztec Camera whose main man, Roddy Frame, has inspired and influenced so many other musicians. His influence is obvious in the work of groups like Belle and Sebastian, for example, and beyond the borders of Scotland, the much revered Johnny Marr has cited Aztec Camera as inspirational. But guess what? Where there should have been a few minutes discussion of the Aztec Camera sound and style there was instead ... nothing. A huge guitar shaped gap.

But it's OK folks, don't panic, because the documentary moved on to talk about later bands who clearly have never even heard of Postcard Records, much less been influenced by any of its artists, like Wet Wet Wet, and Texas. Mind you that was after a good ten or fifteen minutes all about Scottish nationalism and the part it played in influencing Scotland's music scene. That just makes it all the weirder that another glaring omission from the programme was Big Country, whose bagpipe style guitar sounds are about as Scottish as you can get. I simply don't see how you can go from Postcard to Wet Wet Wet without banging into Big Country.

I have to ask if the makers of the documentary actually have any knowledge of any kind of music, never mind 80s Scottish jangly guitar music? Did these people do any research whatsoever? Did they contact Roddy Frame? Did they try and dig out any archive footage? I can only think that maybe Framo (as he's known in my head) didn't want to participate. I can't think of any other reason why Aztec Camera would rate only a couple of mentions, and only one still shot. As for Big Country, I am stumped. I don't know how anyone can even think about Scottish pop music in the 80s without their memory pumping out Fields of Fire at full volume. Were the people who made this programme even alive in the 80s?

To be honest, I think it was really just a lame attempt by someone to promote Scottish nationalist politics, with some music tacked onto it to draw in unsuspecting Postcard fans, like myself, because it's obvious that whoever is behind it does not know an awful lot about music at all.