Smacking children

Have I gone mad? Or has the world gone mad? I am genuinely shocked at the number of parents who freely admit, on TV, radio and online that they smack their children and that they believe this to be a good thing.

Take for example, the couple who went to the media a few weeks ago because their local council would not accept them as foster parents because they use smacking as a form of discipline on their own child, although they did say they would not smack a foster child. (http://www.gm.tv/index.cfm?articleid=29094). I had the misfortune to be watching GMTV when they were interviewed and really could not believe my ears and eyes as they accused the council's representative of using "emotive language" when he referred to smacking as "hitting."

Apparently they are not alone in their inability to understand what smacking is judging by some of the comments that have been popping up on internet forums on the subject. Most of the parents who state they smack their children later in their ill formed posting, probably written while their badly behaved offspring are pilfering the drinks cabinet, state that they only use a "light tap" or "just a light brush" or "a light swat." So are these people smacking or not? I don't know. On the one hand they seem keen to stand up for their right to smack their unruly, rude and disobedient children but, then, not wishing to seem like monsters, seek to reassure us that they only use minimal force. Is that smacking? It must be, otherwise why would these people be telling us they smack their children, if what they do isn't smacking?

I read a post by someone on a parenting forum today that was very sad. This woman's husband had left her after having an affair and her two children had chosen to go with him, rather than stay with her, the reason being that she smacked them whereas he did not. She still thinks smacking is a good idea though, even though she has basically lost her children over it. She mentioned that their behaviour has worsened since living with their father and she puts this down to the lack of physical discipline. It doesn't occur to her it could be due to the lack of any discipline or maybe because of the upheaval of their parents' separation, or the strain of moving to a new area or getting used to their father's new partner, or any one of a number of other things. No, it must be because they are not getting a good smack.

Of course the pro smacking lobby does have one very good point in their favour: in the UK, it is still legal to smack your child. I am at a loss to know why. Violence is violence. I don't accept the argument that children cannot be reasoned with. My 3 1/2 year old son understands very well if you tell him something is wrong and why. He understands very well if you tell him if he does xyz, you will take away his favourite toy or that he won't get any ice cream after dinner. The point is you have to follow through and you have to keep repeating these methods so that your child understands his or her actions will have consequences. What children don't understand is why their perhaps otherwise loving parent strikes them, whilst at the same time teaching them they must not hit others.

It has taken many years to start changing attitudes towards domestic violence between adults. It is time we did the same for children.